Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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