he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
