it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
