Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
