Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize