I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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