I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
