At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
