just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
