Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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