It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
