so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
