my phone needs a breathalizer
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
