I wannas sexs uuuuu
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
