I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
