Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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