my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
