dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I had to cum in my sink.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
