I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I deserve this hangover.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
