i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
