I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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