Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Never underestimate the power of titties
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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