I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
