i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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