I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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