He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
