That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
