Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
