How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
