I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Come see our sink grown plant.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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