not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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