She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
