I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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