Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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