you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
