i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
