will power is for people who don't want to get laid
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
