She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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