I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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