i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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