Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
