Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
