you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
