Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
