I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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