i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
