maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
