You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
