we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
