dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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