apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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