God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize