i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
