There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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