clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
