Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Damn victory sex feels great
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
