I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Randomize
