I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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