Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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