You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
No subtext here. People are naked.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
