why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
