why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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