i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
