I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
