I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
