do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
