He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
