I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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