why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
